business jokes one liners

He was tired of the hole business! reply; Post new comment. The theme of this week’s one-liners and puns is money jokes, which come with the normal caveats of not to expect them to be either too funny or too original. #10 What did the ruthless businessperson say to their employees? Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. One-liners are short, simple jokes that often catch people off guard. Russian dolls are so full of themselves. But of course there are times when a well-placed joke can add a little spice to the workday. Like . HUMOUR AT WORK #88 “Boss I need a raise – there are three companies after me right now.”. Paul: 'Oh Henry, I'm in trouble. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before. Veronica D. Bouvier, Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, Aspen Properties Ltd. “Mike held the full attention of our senior management team for a full FOUR hour #38 I once owned a paper business but it folded. Don't believe us? Toggle Navigation Menu Go to BabaMail. #98 A local hairdresser put up a new sign ‘we give $3 haircuts’. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous … Business one-liners 73 If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. #76 Old photographers never die, they just stop developing. #34 I’ve been told by coworkers that I’m condescending…that means I talk down to people. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. All I did was take a day off. #13 ‘Business is up and down at the moment; I sell yo-yos.’, #14 My boss is very easygoing. If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops. Send you one-liners to mike@mikekerr.com. Who doesn’t love some good bad jokes — we do! But if you're a scientist or certified science geek, they can be weirdly entertaining. #53 Sadly, the man who invented autocorrect has passed away, restaurant in peace. #20 Not so long ago, I had my visa stolen…now it’s everywhere I want to be. More importantly – who doesn’t love a good joke? I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. If you have a great, clean workplace joke that you’d like to share please drop us a line – we’ll be adding to the list and would be happy to include your suggestions! Finally, he puts the phone down. Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else. #54 My friend loves a bargain, she’s always itching to get back to the flea market. 42 Funny One Liner Jokes. What's On 30 best lockdown jokes 2021: funny quips and one-liners to keep you smiling through the Covid lockdown Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? #45 My interviewer told me my wage would increase to $2,500 per month after six months…I told him I’d start then. One… or two? #102 I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work! Short and Funny Jokes, One-Liners and Sayings. This week’s puns and one liners are based on the theme of banking jokes. So go on, please share this post now. One…or two? AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Go to BabaMail; Home; Subscribe My Profile Login Topics. #36 I got fired from the orange juice factory…I just couldn’t concentrate. If you want more, check out these other jokes. #80 Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. Seeing this, the barber next door decided to erect their new sign ‘we fix $3 haircuts’. I … Because it was soda pressing! #40 I really wanted my bakery business to be a success…I just wasn’t making enough dough. Michael Kerr is a Canadian Hall of Fame business speaker, very funny motivational speaker, and business trainer. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. #95 ‘I can’t believe you told me to put our business money with this bank’, ‘How? #62 My last boss said I have a preoccupation with vengeance…we’ll see about that. presentation – no small accomplishment!”, Martine Rothblatt, CEO, United Therapeutics, “Our participants rated you as the speaker with the highest quality and relevance.”, Lana J. Larocque, Alberta Human Resources, MICHAEL KERR “Just wanted to say “WOW!” Our group has had many speakers over the years, but none the likes of Mike Kerr.”, Richard Dansereau, President, NAPA Autopro BDG, “Michael Kerr is one of the best speakers I have seen. 48 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes and one-liners from comedians Satirists and stand-ups have had a field day roundly lampooning US President Donald Trump. Enjoy 101 hilarious one liners that your kids will love to laugh at! #64 A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer. Funny one liner joke. #22 What did the two business people say to each other whilst closing a deal during an earthquake? #42 I got fired at work today, she said my communication skills weren’t up to scratch. Is it one or two? The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?” “Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”. #46 My job at the paperless factory was going really well…until I went to the loo. Without further ado, here are 50 classic one-liners from some of the world’s most influential entrepreneurs. When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”. He won’t expect it back. One-Liner Jokes. One liner tags: attitude, life, work. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes. 23. If you want to get in on this style, you can follow the basic formula to have your friends and family rolling out of their seats with laughter in no time. 120 of the best jokes and funniest one-liners ever from the Edinburgh Fringe “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister” These jokes had … #11 Why did the electrician close business once a week? Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”. Homepage: Subject: Comment: * Web … #79 After telling a joke, the manager looks around to see everybody laughing. Do you know a funny one liner? See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. ‘That’s not necessarily a bad thing, you know’. ‘My hairline is in recession, my stomach is always in inflation, and these two together bring me into a deep depression’. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? Funny Business Jokes. #59 Apparently I ruined this year’s batch of calendars, I only took a day off. #6 ‘We need somebody for this role who is responsible.’, ‘Not a problem, sir. #75 The trouble with being punctual for business meetings is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. #56 ‘Who should we notify just in case you fall ill in the office?’ ‘A very good doctor, please’. Each bought one. #68 I lost my job as a psychic…I didn’t even see it coming! One Liner Jokes and Puns. #97 If Apple delved into the car manufacturing market, would they have Windows? Yesterday, I ate a yogurt named ‘Susan’; how cute is that? I like studying my cash flow. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… I do enjoy getting cash out of the bank and then throwing it in the river and watching it float away. I didn’t know what to say. When I woke up, my pillow was gone. #99 What is the role of stock analysts? About half! #32 When I was younger, I really wanted to be a banker…but I kept losing interest. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. I always stress that being funny, having a great sense of humor, and adding more humor into a workplace has very little to do with telling jokes. He picks up the phone and starts waving his hands around in the air, pretending to be deep in conversation about figures. #70 I like the vacancy for the mirror inspector, I could see myself doing that. Okay, so maybe science-themed jokes aren't the world's funniest. #66 We’re lucky that the last minute exists. You can hear a cough drop. Enjoy. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. I am originally from Indiana. I spent £500 on a limousine … They’re designed to take an audience by surprise, and they’re often a little risqué or involve some wordplay. EMAIL: mike@mikekerr.com, Please subscribe to our newsletter to get the latest scoop and inspiring ideas for your workplace, Inspiring Workplaces Newsletter Back Issues, The Humor Advantage: Why Some Businesses Are Laughing All the Way to the Bank. #29 What’s the best way of making a small fortune in the stock market? #35 I used to be the host of a blackjack table but I got a better deal. 4. That bizarre moment when you pick up your car from the garage and you realize that the breaks are still not working, but they made your horn louder. #39 Why did the can crusher quit his job? Your name: * E-mail: * The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. #51 ‘I bought this energy-saving light bulb in your shop yesterday and it doesn’t work’. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. #3 My boss told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. Book. It’s shift work. Immediately, they left a message on their machine saying the new order cannot be placed until the last bill has been paid. None, they have already automated it. Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. When there is change in the weather… The best way to get in touch with long lost relatives is to win the lottery. Twitter is a boot-camp for one-liners – the format forcing you to hone your joke to its leanest, meanest shape. A local bank is introducing a cash machine built in to a tree. #55 I see they’re thinking about using drones to deliver magazines, that’ll raise some issues. https://mikekerr.com/.../100-work-and-business-jokes-quips-and-one-liners Business Jokes One Liners 7 Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit? #5 Boss to employees: ‘We will continue to have these meetings every single day until I work out why no work is being done’! #71 I used to work as a lumberjack but it didn’t take me long to quit…I just couldn’t hack it. The next morning, they opened their emails to find a reply ‘We would like to cancel our order, we just can’t wait that long’. #19 How many opticians does it take to change a light bulb? As long as there are tests, there … However, one guy sits in the corner without even a smile. I said ‘No, not particularly.’. #12 I told my female colleague that she drew her eyebrows too high. Who doesn't like a good laugh! One Liner Jokes; 114878 reads; Comments Mon, 08/25/2008 - 12:51 — Office Tables (not verified) Every bureaucrat joke makes. Animal Money Jokes. If you could do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a … I'm great at multitasking. Let’s shake on it! #84 Standing in front of the shredder, the new employee looked a little confused so a supervisor offers to help. #48 My new colleagues are so much fun, they write names on all the food. "Henry was on his morning walk when he bumped into his friend Paul. #1 My boss asked me to put a joke on the first slide of the presentation…apparently a picture of my pay slip wasn’t what he was looking for. #72 I knew someone who used to work in a deli, they got fired because they couldn’t cut the mustard. I hope you enjoy them anyway…. #94 If somebody asks you if you want to break into the jewelry business, think carefully about what they’re actually offering. on March 25, 2013. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing. And let’s be honest, if you’re telling jokes to someone who is 103, they definitely could use a smile. #87 I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people but unfortunately not of them work! o O o. #86 ‘I think we have almost everything. Have fun! It took me ten minutes just to shuffle the cards for solitaire. Absolutely hilarious one liners! #67 An archeologist’s career lies in ruins. … 7. Business Loans. How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? 592 likes. I had a dream where an evil queen forced me to eat a gigantic marshmallow. I was delighted for them but my fridge is still broken. And if you think so, we can prove you wrong, because we’ve made a compilation of family-friendly and yet funny jokes. #18 He gave a great 10-minute business speech yesterday. #15. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. According to engineers, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. One liner tags: attitude, rude, sarcastic, work. Henry: 'Hey Paul, why do you look so dejected today?' Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. So I said, “20.”. 82.54 % / 1524 votes. #26 A committee is a group of people who keep minutes but lose hours. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box. Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. #50 I phoned a call center today and it said all the advisors were engaged. Share. By fadamana. You'd be the Chevy Chase circa late-'70s of your social circle, the one who could be counted on to say the perfect thing at the perfect time to make everybody feel a little less uncomfortable and silly. I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. She seemed surprised. #91 The closest people come to perfection is on an employment application. He is the author of 8 books, including The Humor Advantage: Why Some Businesses Are Laughing All the Way to the Bank, The Jerk-Free Workplace, and Hire, Inspire and Fuel Their Fire. Make us laugh and we’ll add your best 1 liner to the main ADDucation one line jokes list. #16 I don’t like to complain about the customer service of any business but I didn’t appreciate being pushed over by the stock broker when I asked him to check my balance. PHONE: 1-(403) 609-2640 One liner tags: beauty, drug, puns, time, work. #9 What happens when business slows right down at a medicine factory? Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team. Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation.”. The company relocated and didn’t tell me where! Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. #93 When he came to the bottom of the job application where it says, “Sign Here,” he wrote “Scorpion.”. #27 When you can’t say ‘let’s just forget the whole thing’, you know crisis level has been reached. However you can have your say by sharing your best one liners in the comments below. Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else. If only you had planned ahead and had a few one-liners … He told me not to think of him as the boss, rather, think of him as a friend who is never wrong.”. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. From crawling across the street when the sign said: “Don’t Walk.” Small Business Jokes. I highly recommend him!”. More jokes about: business, gay, money, sex, work There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re fired! #43 I had a nightmare of a day, the computers went down and everything had to be done manually. #63 My resume? #57 My job is incredibly secure, nobody wants it! These manage to walk that delicate line between jokes that stay on the right side of PG and ones that … Here are funny one liner jokes and puns. #7 Why did the doughnut maker retire? ‘Didn’t you get it?’ ‘I got it, but I resigned yesterday’. 3. by Stephen. ‘Yes, I’m here to install the phone lines’. Yes, you too can laugh like a crazed hyena! Try going through these amazing short one liner jokes we've carefully collected and you'll agree one liners are simply the best. #8 The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat. Just scroll down to see 15 silly one-liners we've picked just for you. #15 How many marketers does it take to screw a light bulb? See TOP 10 witty one-liners. These are clean jokes that will appeal to both the old and young, as well as the kids. You don’t … o O o. There was money in the kitty. #90 My wife tells me I talk in my sleep all the time. 21. #4 If a neighboring business puts up a sign saying ‘lowest prices’, simply erect your own sign saying ‘main entrance’! -Of course, a … Despite trying his hardest, he didn’t get one single customer…all this time and nothing to chauffeur it. thumb_up 41. Because business was light. When is it most likely to rain money? Famous One Liner Jokes. Small Business Jokes 1 Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a wanted ad for an accountant job. #74 ‘I’m never going to work for that man ever again’. Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other. #82 One day, a customer placed a huge order for numerous goods but suddenly the company realized they hadn’t paid for the previous order. #31 A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. #100 ‘Is our money all gone?’ ‘No, don’t panic…it’s just with somebody else at the moment’. 1. 135 Best Funny Corny Jokes and Cheesy One Liners. One one-liner a day keeps the doctor away…so, here is a shortlist of the best one-liners you can find on the internet today. 2. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. While business loans aren't generally funny, this top business joke from OnDeck will make you chuckle. Puns & One Liners . Starting off with a large fortune. Pilbara jokes & one liners. … #83 There once was a businessman who was so rich he had two swimming pools; one was always empty…it was for people who couldn’t swim. Whoever said that clean jokes can’t be funny couldn’t be more wrong. #23 Why are barbers some of the best drivers around? The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. #77 Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. What dog has money? Communications. #33 Tell me, how many people work in your company? #30 I keep trying to start a hot air balloon business but it just doesn’t take off. Making weather forecasters look good! If you enjoyed these brilliant one-liners dear reader then please share this blog post on social media with your friends. Scrambling to create a business presentation?Here's a tip. Start with a slide showing a series of funny quotes just to warm up the room. Is it half-empty? Enjoy 101 hilarious one liners that your kids will love to laugh at! #52 ‘You all worked really hard this year, I’m giving you all a check for $2,000. #61 Is the glass half full? Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? #44 I reached the office this morning and the boss stormed up to me and said ‘you missed work yesterday, didn’t you?’. A bloodhound, because he is always picking up (s)cents. Collection of short quick money jokes focusing on one liners - Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper - Scottish Proverb #41 I used to be a train driver but I kept getting side-tracked. 82.67 % / 246 votes. A joke can help breakup a serious business presentation, add some seasoning to a business meeting, or add a dash of humor to your e-mail signature line. I need cash for the business and I have NO IDEA where to get it from!!' Always borrow money from a pessimist. #17 I stayed in such an exclusive hotel on our last business trip that even room service had an unlisted number! #92 As part of the new health care plan, employees will be treated to a full week’s stay in the Caribbean Islands…we chose Bahama-care. If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line. The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. #78 Old journalists don’t retire, they are just de-pressed. Every bureaucrat joke makes me laugh because dad is one and I always tell him these jokes. o O o . We hope these short jokes and puns make you laugh. Bring your A-game with humor for all – it’s the best gift to give your friends and family (next to tacos anyway). Today a man knocked on … A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. ‘Great, but where do the copies come out?’. Clean Jokes, Memes and Short One-Liners . But if you had a game-plan—a foolproof joke, a one-liner, say, that could suck all the tension out of the room—why, you'd be a hero! Resturant In Peace. They’re one of the biggest companies in the world’, ‘I don’t know, my check returned with a note saying ‘insufficient funds’’, #96 ‘How well do you work with PowerPoint?’. I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! #28 I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. Nobody at work ever mentions it.”. If you work the same next year, I’ll sign them’. #69 I love being a maze designer, it’s so easy to get lost in my work. What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? Enjoy our great … She takes the wad of paper from his hands and feeds it through. A list of things I hope future employers never ask me to do. #89 Since three out of four small businesses fail, my recommendation is to start a large business. Because they know all the short cuts. We have made a collection of some of the best funny corny jokes that will interest you, though some might sound cliché and probably old-fashioned, they will surely make you laugh out loud. Share the fun and everyone wins. What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp? #65 I started my business with nothing and I still have most of it. #49 After announcing I don’t answer to anyone, I quickly lost my job at the call center. #81 Sitting behind his new desk for the first time since opening for business, a young businessman spots his first client enter the outer offices. #24 Whatever your talk lacked in content it made up for in length! Some companies have a “joke of the day” board in their office; some companies offer the option of listening to a joke on their automated voicemail menu. Can you make a cup of tea?’. Why is a cat like a penny? But I’m skeptical. 22. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. #58 Nothing ruins a Friday more than realizing it’s actually Tuesday. #21 I recently met a limo driver who was in business for over 30 years. Every time something went wrong in my old job, my manager told me I was always responsible!‘. #25 My boss asked me to roundup 17 employees pronto. The only problem was it took him an hour to deliver it. “If you can’t feed a team with two pizzas, it’s too large.” -Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon Married man one liner joke. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast. #37 I just had to fire my acupuncturist, he kept talking to my friends about me…the backstabber! These fifteen clean jokes and one-liner are perfect for making anyone from 3 to 103 laugh. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing! #101 I was hoping to get a job as a koala bear attendant at the zoo but I didn’t meet the koalafications! Warning: Many of the following jokes are real groaners, so don’t say I didn’t warn you! 82.69 % / 3351 votes. Got a good one you’d like to donate to the cause? Breasts don’t have eyes. / Clean Jokes, Memes and Short One-Liners.

Sarah Richards Design, Harlem Blues Karaoke, Bose Lifestyle 650 Price Philippines, Antique Smoking Stand For Sale, Most Op Pokemon In Sword And Shield, Sears Garden Oasis Bar Set,